If you’ve ever thought about becoming an international teacher (or joining your teaching partner abroad), you’ve no doubt thought about the pros and cons. Things like travel perks, access to different cultures, and giving your kids the chance to gain a more global perspective are all big benefits.

But along with some of the obvious challenges of living abroad, like navigating different education systems or being away from family and friends, there are some other risks to consider…especially when it comes to parenting...ones that can have a big effect on our kids’ wellbeing, and that are worth considering.

Different Parenting Worlds Collide

International school communities are typically a big mix of cultures. And it's not just in the classroom, but how families raise their kids. For example, different expectations and approaches to discipline, independence, respect, and schooling.

In Japan, for example, young kids regularly navigate public transport alone, pack their own school gear, and clean their classrooms. These expectations are tied to Japan’s cultural values of responsibility and collective respect. Whereas in the U.S., Australia or U.K., a young child walking to school is more likely to trigger alarm and concern from neighbours!

When international families come together, these differing expectations can cause confusion, and sometimes conflict. What one parent sees as fostering independence, another might see as risky or even negligent. 

A False Sense of Safety Abroad

In many Asian cities popular with expats, many families are drawn to the safe environments these locations offer, e.g., low crime, tight-knit communities, and family-oriented societies.

So, it’s not uncommon to see kids walking or riding to school. Some older kids also take Grab (taxi) rides alone. And many tweens (and sometimes younger kids) spend unsupervised hours in malls or condo pools. But this perceived sense of safety can also sometimes lull parents into letting go too much, too soon. 

I’ve seen children under six roaming apartment corridors at night with no adults nearby. I’ve witnessed groups of young kids swimming alone for hours. And another parent felt it was okay for my 12-year-old daughter to ride home in a Grab with her daughter - without any adult supervision. While that might be okay for some families, it definitely went against my personal wishes.

Affluent Neglect: When Freedom Becomes Absence

Expat parenting can often be shaped by busy careers, domestic help, and cultural norms that normalize early independence. Sometimes, this can turn into what’s known as affluent neglect: children who have access to everything but their parents' time.

A friend of mine in South Korea told me how her daughter’s classmate (age 10) would knock on their door every Sunday by herself with money for snacks and an unspoken plan to spend the day with them. Her parents (who were also international teachers at the school she worked at) were out for the day. 

Another friend’s son was friends with a boy who lived full-time in Penang with a nanny, while his parents worked in Kuala Lumpur. Her son told her how disrespectful he was to the nanny, and how he pretty much ruled the house...unsupervised.

Now these parents aren’t being malicious or intending to hurt their kids. Many I’ve spoken to believe they’re preparing them by building their independence and resilience. Others also tell me they’re modeling a strong work ethic they want their kids to follow. But often, these kids can be left emotionally untethered, relying on screens, friends, or domestic helpers for support and attention.

The Nanny Question: Comfort or Crutch?

In international households, nannies or domestic helpers often become central figures in a child’s life, especially if both parents are working. For many kids, nannies are responsible for a lot of the day-to-day tasks like packing lunch, school drops and managing meltdowns!

And a lot of families I've met have beautiful relationships with their nannies - both parents and kids. There’s usually lots of love and care that give a sense of emotional security for kids. For busy families who don’t have family support nearby, nannies offer continuity and stability...and keep many busy parents sane!

But problems can arise when kids develop strong attachments to caregivers who aren’t permanent, especially if parents don’t acknowledge or support those bonds. For example, if a nanny is dismissed because of visa issues, cost-cutting, or lifestyle shifts, kids can experience profound grief. And sometimes this happens with very little explanation from parents.

There’s also a flip side of this relationship. Kids can act out or mistreat their nanny, often mirroring a household culture that sees the helper as “staff” rather than caregiver. This dynamic teaches children something lasting about power, respect, and human connection.

Parenting Styles in Flux

When you move overseas, most families take their beliefs with them about what “good parenting” looks like for them. But when you move to a new environment, it’s easy to start questioning those beliefs.

In some cultures, like Latin America, there’s a huge focus on respect for elders and family hierarchy. In Scandinavia, parenting is very child-led, while in many parts of Asia, a lot is centred around academic success.

So what happens when your child is surrounded by kids whose parents don’t share your values on screen time, sleepovers, or manners?

My 10 year old daughter recently had a sleepover with a Japanese friend. Although I’d met the Mum and spoken to her numerous times before organising the sleepover, I was disappointed to hear that the evening was spent watching hours of YouTube on her friend’s device (until the wee hours of the morning). Bedtime is another huge challenge, with many cultures letting their kids stay up a lot later than Western kids. Our kids are constantly complaining about their early bed times and how all their friends get to stay up way later than them.

If you’re working in international schools (or your kids attend an international school), you’re likely to experience lots of these cultural collisions! And if you’re not careful, it can be easy to lose sight of the values we want to raise our kids with.

So What Can We Do?

I’m not preaching parenting perfection; there is way too much information out there about what parents should be doing and honestly, the information overload is exhausting!

But, if you’re thinking about international education or living overseas with your kids, it’s important to consider the cultural differences and how you’ll respond. 

Maybe ask yourself:
• Are we embracing independence for our kids or excusing our absence?
• Are we building partnerships with our caregivers, or has it become about outsourcing our parenting because it’s available and easier?
• Have we let the cultural norms of where we’re living override our own parenting values?
• Are we showing up - not just physically, but emotionally and mentally - for our kids when they need us?

International teaching can offer families loads of adventure, and access to a fantastic and diverse community. But it can also present some emotional blind spots for parenting.

It’s worth considering some of these things when you’re doing your research about schools, locations, tuition fees, travel opportunities and more. 

Acknowledging the challenges you might face as an expat parent can help you work out what type of expat parent you want to be for your kids.

Please click the photo below for a collection of my International Teaching Families columns:

Kelly Quinn, the International Teaching Families Editor for snsvs, is a writer and expat parent who has spent the last few years behind the scenes in international education. She recently founded International Teaching Families, a site dedicated to helping international teaching families and expat parents navigate the world of international schools. Kelly has spent the past five years living in Peru, South Korea, and Malaysia with her husband (an international school teacher) and their three kids. When she’s not navigating visa rules or the MANY school WhatsApp groups, she also writes about travel and expat life for her personal blog - My Expat Fam.
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